Sick kids and Mummy guilt.. How do we win?

                                           

So its a Tuesday afternoon, usually I'm at work or rounding up gearing to pick up the kids.. But today I'm home, still in my PJ's, with my faithful tea mug close by.
The kids are all home too, so naturally I need a cup of tea ever more frequently to moisten my throat for the bouts of "stop it" and "No!' I'll be yelling all day.

 

Sadly, all three kids are under the weather. It began Friday with the baby, followed the next day at  3:30 am with my middle child asking to sleep on our bed with a fever (hmmm, I know! Doors should probably be locked, another day's topic) and Monday with a teacher saying the eldest refused eating and had been throwing up all day.. That's 3 kids, down with flu, tonsillitis, diarrhea, vomiting, and all are feverish.... Fun. (sic)
With a sick child, I usually observe for a day or 2 and medicate the symptom's with Paracetamol or over the counter medications (OTC's) to see if symptoms subside as I've been well known to be overly proactive in taking my children to hospital in fear of worsening symptoms. {My eldest once had febrile seizure dead in the night and was the scariest moment in my life to date.}
After the second day, if symptoms still persist, we go to hospital for tests, diagnosis and appropriate medications. By this time I'm home and away from work.
One of the hardest decisions a working mum has to make is the decision whether the child is well enough for school or sick enough to stay home. No mom wants to send a sock child to school but there are so many factors involved.
After all, how could I comfortably be at work when I have a sick child or 2 home? Questions rush to my head...

• Should I stay home just the worse day, or take time off?
• Ho many days sick days have I taken off work?
• Oh, my report that's due.. What's going to happen to that? Meetings I'll be left out of.
• How will my boss react?
• That opportunity I was eyeing at work may pass by with my absence..
• I had also wanted to get 30 minutes away to sneak in an episode of my favorite show or read a little at work ..

Then the mommy guilt start plummeting in..

• Will they eat and take their meds if I'm away?
• My second child doesn't take enforcement from others on eating well. Who will ensure he eats that essential spoon or two?
• If they refuse eating, only I could whip up a tantalizing other meal they may like?
• Would they get enough rest?
• Who would keep the peace?
• My career and success I do not want at the expense of  neglecting my children.

Then other vague guilt surface..

• I yell too much..
• I'm not cooking from scratch! Tonight we have indomie and sides chops..
• Why are my kids often sick? What am I doing wrong?

The guilt trips become more and more as my mind dwells deeper.

Yes there may or may not be a help at home, depending on what situations going on with that case. . Some may argue, you cant do it all. Get your nanny to care for the kids and face your job. True. But would you give that work 100% undivided attention knowing your sick child's home? The free spirit in me would love to be away, not to deal with the diarrhea, vomiting and force feeding that involves a sick child. I struggle with when to let go, how much to give of myself to career, family, me-time? I find my 'me-time' always get sucked to the back burner.

This isn't an issue with only working mums (WM), stay at home moms (SAHM) have it too, The debate about the child staying home isn't the problem but your day has been altered. The SAHM had a zillion things to do that day but cannot because she has to stay put and nurse her child.. I've been a SAHM, it doesn't only entail sitting down, it is arguably the hardest form of mothering because unlike the WM, the SAHM has no where to let off steam and time off to stimulate herself intellectually. She's on mommy mode 24/7! Everyone needs a break! Yes, even from your off-
springs. lol.

So many of us want to do it all. We can have it all, the trick is balance, balance, balance! The most successful and financially able women will tell you they still strive for balance in their lives. This post is inspired by one of my best friends Dr. K.A from our discussion on our reservations about mommy guilt.

Mother's guilt is so real. Nearly all of us experience it. We are racked with guilt, feeling that our best isn't good enough.  All moms, even the most amazing, attentive and committed moms, feel at some point that they are not good enough. A Pew Research Center survey found that the number of moms who want to work full-time is declining, from 32 percent to 21 percent between 1997 and 2014 in America alone, indicating that mommy guilt is getting the better of many  women. No matter what we do right as parents, we tend to more often focus on our failings.

Here are my personal rules for silencing mother's guilt:

• Get real. Understand that perfection and parenting is ridiculous. Accept that you will make mistakes and try to be honest with your children when you drop the ball.
• Stop judging yourself. Your best is good enough. Stop comparing your best to other classroom moms, working parents and neighborhood families. Live out your own story and stop attempting to star in someone else's drama.
• Turn in your supermom cape. Acknowledge that love is the only requirement to becoming a supermom.
• Keep it positive. Focus on the positive things that you are doing. Instead of looking at what isn't working with your parenting, ask yourself, "What am I doing right?"
• Laugh. Learn to laugh at your flubs.
• Know that a little guilt makes you healthy. It means that you care about your family and the way that they experience you.
• Don't sweat the small stuff. Sometimes we are our own worst critics. Breathe in and blow it out. Tomorrow is a new day.
• Create a supportive community for yourself. Consider joining in with a group of moms or just good friends that are non-judgmental and supportive.

Last but not least, remember no one is perfect but God. Like many before you who have parented successfully, you too will succeed. Besides, no child was born with a "how to raise me" manual in hand. Parenting is a learn as you go process!

Want more tips on how to balance work, family and your tranquility? Click the link below;
http://www.parents.com/parenting/work/life-balance/moms-balance-work-family/#page=2


I have realized I'm the kind of mom who like most of us try to put the kids first. There is no prize or promotion for the job of motherhood, but the unconditional love from our children. A trophy worth the sacrifice.

Here are some posters to put up on our blackberry dp's. lol!